Looking back…Commentary on relationships in B-school

Sometimes, I can’t help but be amazed at the reach of this blog…

So, earlier this afternoon, I was hard at work when I got an IM from my man D.A. who is in the thick of the MBA application process. He also happens to be a long-time reader of this blog. During this IM conversation, he informs me that my “mantra of MBA relationships” is making its way through the MBA applicant circles and is opening people’s eyes about what to expect. It took me a second to even realize what he was referring to because I didn’t remember having ever written anything about relationships. Then, he reminded me of an entry that I wrote waaaaaay back in 2005 at the end of my first year at the GSB and it all came rushing back. Apparently, the current crop of kids are forwarding the link and the text from the entry to each other as some sort of relationship pre-reading, which had me like “whoa!”…

I asked D.A. to forward the text of the entry to me and I spent the next few minutes laughing at what I’d written. I wasn’t laughing because it was funny or ridiculous, per se…rather, I was laughing because of how close to reality it truly was (and I was only halfway through the MBA journey at the time). Back then, I was just freestylin’ on some stream-of-consciousness type stuff in that entry, so it’s wild that kids are still getting something out of it so many years later. I guess your boy stays bringing that truth and wisdom, huh? 🙂

Anyways, since the end of the first semester of B-school (or Fall quarter at the GSB) has arrived, I thought it might be good to repost the content of that entry for the readers who might not have dug deep into the archives of this blog. The following is a big excerpt from that entry, but you can find the entire entry at http://marquisweblog.blogspot.com/2005/06/sometimes-its-little-things-that.html

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Excerpt from my old entry:

“It recently occurred to me that one subject I’d never written about in this blog is dating scene in business school. I guess the best way to approach this would be to break it into three categories and comment on each:

1. Single people:
– I started with this group because it is potentially the most complicated one to deal with. Most B-school students come in single and these people have any number of goals when it comes to school, including staying single and hitting the books, finding their perfect match and heading to the altar one day, taking the time to casually date, and using their new MBA pedigree to get as much action as possible. I have classmates that fall into all of those categories and saw mixed success with their goals. Rather than going into details on specific stories, I’ll just give some words of advice:

a. This is graduate school, not college, so be prepared to get your “grown and sexy” on…not your “drunk and stupid”. I know that drunken hook-ups were the big move in college, but that is not the case when you get to business school. Again, without going into details, I’ll just say that stories spread pretty quickly when you’re in an enclosed social environment like B-school, so it doesn’t looks good to be that person who goes out every week, gets drunk as a skunk, and ends up trying to mack on every prospect possible. We’re adults now, so, for the sake of your reputations, PLEASE try to act accordingly…people have long memories.

b. Be careful if you try to date within the business school because there is no guarantee that it will go well. I wouldn’t say that people are guaranteed to put your business out in the street, but, if that were to happen and you were the one who did wrong, you could end up looking like an ass to a decent percentage of your future network.

c. Don’t be afraid to venture out into the other graduate schools for dating prospects. I know a couple of people who have found success with prospects from other departments and I imagine that the conversations would be a lot more interesting if you are on a date with someone who won’t be talking about the topics you’ll hear all the time at school, like net present value, Porter’s Five Forces, and balance sheets.

d. It might seem cool to go after undergraduates, but you’d be better served not doing so. Chances are, it won’t take much game to pull one of them, but, when the word gets out that your 25+ year old self has been trying to go after 18-20 year olds, you’ll come off looking hella shady.

e. Professors are OFF LIMITS!!! I didn’t hear stories of anyone getting down with a professor this past year, but, in some cases, the profs can be around the same age as the students and there is always a possibility of something going down. I realize that this should go without saying, but some people might consider knocking off a prof as an accomplishment of some sort. As hard as it is to get into B-school, is it really worth messing up your grades to be able to say that you were able to get down with a faculty member?

f. Ladies, I know that this is a weird time for some of you because you may be in your mid to late 20’s, but please keep your standards as high as they normally would be and don’t put out the vibe that you’re looking for a man. Some guys will sense that and use it to their advantage to reel you in…only to cut you off later on. There are a lot of double standards out there and, although it isn’t fair, women have to be extra careful about how they are perceived when it comes to dating because a shaky reputation (whether earned or perceived) is very hard to change once it is established. Also, be on the lookout for guys who want to make you their meal-ticket…there are some really bootleg guys out there who want to find a woman to take care of them, so don’t let yourself be a victim. I know that y’all are grown and that this is a basic part of the game, but, when it comes to matters of the heart, it can get complicated and I’d be a foul dude if I didn’t at least warn you about this.

g. Fellas, if you’re going to make moves on MBA women, you’ve got to make sure that your game is as tight as possible or else you’ll be a sad, sad soul. It is likely that any woman that you become attracted to at school is as smart, if not smarter, than you and those old “I work at/as [insert big-time company or job title] and went to school at [insert big name university]”, “Hey, Miss Lady…”, and “Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he’s missing an angel!” lines that used to work well for you just won’t cut it. Be as real and straight-forward as possible and get used to introducing YOURSELF and not your ACCOMPLISHMENTS because that will set you apart from the other cats at your school who are trying to holla at the same set of women…and don’t be that dude who tries to mack on every woman in your class because that will either have you looking skuzzy or lame. Also, be wary of those shark females…you know what I mean…those women who will get extra geeked about you when they find out you’re pursuing an MBA from a top school. I’ve heard (and seen for myself) how some women’s vibe changes when they find out about your schooling and, if that happens, take that as a sign to do like Saddam and retreat into a fox-hole. Some are trying to dig in your pockets and others are trying to get a wedding ring out of you, so make sure that any woman you deal with is checking for you and not your resume. I know that y’all are grown and that this is a basic part of the game, but, when it comes to matters of the booty, it can get complicated and I’d be turning my back on part of the “Fellas’ Charter” if I didn’t give these warnings 🙂

2. People in committed relationships:
– It’s hard to tell what can happen with the people in this group. I’ve seen cross-country relationships stay as strong as ever with the student and the SO making do with monthly visits and regular phone calls. I’ve seen relationships that classmates had with people who were within a couple hours drive of campus fizzle in no time flat. At most B-schools, there is a day referred to as “Black Monday” (the first Monday after Thanksgiving), which is supposed to represent the first day of singlehood for people who started the school year in relationships who broke up with their SO’s over the holiday weekend. Everyone likely comes into school believing that they’ll be one of the success stories, but things can switch quickly when you enter a place full of incredibly intelligent and driven people who can share experiences that you’ve never even fathomed before. One thing that I’ve learned is that the changes that one goes through while in school can either make a relationship stronger or lead someone to end their relationship. This is something that MUST be considered when deciding on whether to keep things going or not because I imagine that going through a break-up is hell when you’ve got class readings, assignments, and exams to worry about at the same time.

3. Married/Engaged people:
– I originally thought that this would be the group that would have the relationship game locked down because they’ve already made their commitments to a mate before coming to school. Unfortunately, I learned that these people have issues to deal with too. It seems that a lot of people underestimate the stress that being in business school and the time that it requires can have on a relationship. I had classmates who had to be in class all day and then in study group sessions all night and, all the while, their spouse was left at home alone often with kids to watch. I can think of some fantastic examples of classmates who put their families first and minimized the after-hours activities so they could be home for family time, but it had to have been a struggle to come to that decision because so many bonds are built with classmates over drinks and/or random dinners in the evening. If a couple has no kids and the mate is working, then it doesn’t seem to be that bad because the mate would have their own stuff going on too, but this isn’t always how it goes down for childless couples. I’ve heard stories of some international students who have SO’s who can’t work in the US because of visa issues, so they don’t really have much to do when the student is occupied. There is a strong couples network within the GSB and a lot of the wives/husbands of students know each other well and they do kick it, but I imagine that it has to be hard to be an SO of a student. I hope that all of the married/engaged soon-to-be students will have long conversations with their mates about this issue before matriculating this Fall.”